Security REview
by Svendances
Summary: What happens when Lester and Bobby get bored in the office and all they have are some old security tapes and a head full of seemingly useless quotes? Take a gander and find out. Babe, but it doesn't really feature.
1. Batman

_This idea came to me when I was reading some Batman and Robin Quotes. Hope you like it. D_

**Security Review**

It was an incredibly slow day at the office and Lester and Bobby had taken full advantage of the lack of anything happening to have their monthly speculation review of the security footage. Yes, they probably should have been paying attention to the monitors, making sure there was no crime underway, but sometimes it just wasn't going to happen. Besides, if Ranger wanted the monitors to be monitored then he shouldn't have put Lester and Bobby on the same shift. Sooner or later he'll learn, but until then it was time for the review.

Bobby slid the tape into recorder and pressed play, they had decided a while back, that while there was often a lot of good footage to play with, the best came from Ranger's office and it was a no fail bet to go there first. The screen came to life and there was Ranger entering the room followed by Tank. They looked a little sluggish and the time said it was three a.m, so they must have just returned from a job.

"This is priceless!" After a moment Lester spoke again, in a fake heroic voice, as Ranger lifted his hand and pointed in the general direction of his desk, "What's that?"

Bobby, trying his damnedest to keep the laughter out of his voice replied in an equally fake voice, "I guess I'm tired, but it looks like alphabet soup." Tank walked over to the desk and then turned back to Ranger suddenly, a look of horror on his face. "I never knew there were no punctuation marks in Alphabet Soup!" Bobby supplied.

Lester and Bobby fell about laughing silently. It was there favourite act, quoting Batman and Robin on Ranger and Tank, truly, truly a tear drencher. Once they had sobered enough to focus on the screen again they fast-forwarded to what seemed to be another interesting point on the tape. Tank and Steph were sitting in the visitors' chairs and Ranger seemed to be lecturing them. He was pacing determinedly from one side of the frame to the other, waving his hands around, then, quite abruptly; he left, leaving Tank and Steph alone. Steph let out a long sigh. "He's so authorotive. So confident." Bobby said in a high-pitched girly voice.

Lester lowered his as Tank shook his head. "The more you work with Batman the more amazing he seems."

Fast-forwarding again they found a scene with Ranger and Tank again. They were both bent over the desk examining something. Tank looked at Ranger and started talking, "Gosh, could it concern us?" Bobby filled in.

As Ranger hit the book in front of them Lester spoke, "It certainly could. Look at the Title."

Tank looked back at the book, "The Truth About Bats," said Bobby. Laughing uncontrollably now, he managed to gasp out "Right, next tape."

As Lester slid the next tape into place Bobby took a moment to look around and make sure they were still secure. An image of the break room appeared. Before long they had found Ranger entering, phone to ear, nodding ever so slightly as he spoke. "You know your neosauruses well, Robin. Peanut butter sandwiches it is." Letting the tape play for a while, Ranger eventually hung up and called out the door to someone. "Stop fiddling with that atomic pile and come down here!" Lester supplied.

A moment passed and Ranger busied himself with fixing a drink. When Stephanie entered he handed it to her. Steph took a sip before speaking, "Gosh, Batman, this camel grass juice is great," Bobby said.

"Beware of strong stimulants, Robin," Lester filled as Ranger replied.

All of a sudden the floor went quiet, a sure sign of someone entering the room. True to form the game of Captain's Coming ensued. You know, that game when someone yells out a scenario and everyone has to do the appropriate action. "Captain's Coming AND Captain's Wife!" Zero yelled, who's desk was in the best position for seeing the new comers.

Everyone busied themselves with their daily tasks and, as Steph and Ranger walked past, greeted them warmly. Bobby and Lester hastily removed the tape from the player and shoved it under the desk in the box with all the others to wait for another time.


	2. Wonder Woman

_Okay, I have some more ideas for this story after conversing with my friends, so here is the next installment. Stay tuned for some Superman in the future. winks Have fun!_

**Chapter 2**

Ahh, another rainy day. Nothing much doing considering all the crims were tucked safely indoors for the storm. So we found our protagonists also inside, to be specific they were in the break room, sitting in the corner with a portable telvision and a stack of security tapes. Lester had the popcorn fresh from the microwave and Bobby had the beer nice and chilled. It was time.

As Lester slid the tape in Bobby got himself into a comfortable viewing position. Before long an image of the parking garage came to life on the screen. The boys had decided that today was Wonder Woman day, and any and all quotes were to come from her. Ranger's Porsche drove into the frame and parked, but instead of Ranger getting out of the driver's side, it was Steph. Ranger made his entrance into view via the passenger door. His arm was in a sling and the two were clearly in the midst of an argument.

"YOU saved me?" Lester provided for Ranger as he seethed at Stephanie.

She was as calm as a swan on the surface of the water, but similarly she was probably working really hard underneath. "Yes," Bobby voice-overed for her.

Ranger continued to fume and Lester supplied, "Impossible! You're a woman."

Stephanie's mouth curved at the corners a little. "I have heard that once or twice before," Bobby supplied.

Shaking their heads in silent laughter they both took a handful of popcorn and a swig of beer and Bobby fast-forward the tape a way. They found Stephanie exiting her car, covered head to toe in… something disgusting. Ram, who they could see walking to his own car screwed up his nose and spoke. Bobby did his voice perfectly, "What's that smell?"

Stephanie sighed and Lester spoke for her, "Don't ask." He paused the tape momentarily and looked at Bobby. "Where was that one from again?"

Bobby thought for a moment. "All I can remember is that it was Wonder Woman and Flash as they were descending to the gateway to Tartarus." Lester also took a moment to think before nodding his agreement. Changed tapes at this point and came to the tape from Steph's cubicle. The camera was positioned in such a way that it was possible to make out the computer screen on her desk. She seemed to be having a video chat with Lula while she waited to the searches to run. Steph made a comment. "But Etta, if you get too fat you won't be able to catch a man!" Bobby provided.

This drew a gasp from his companion. "That was totally uncalled for!" Lester exclaimed.

Bobby shrugged. "I call 'em as I see 'em. Besides, it's still a Wonder Woman quote, isn't it?"

Lester nodded solemnly and sped up the tape. The next place they stopped Ranger had just entered her cubicle. She said something without turning. "I submit. Chain me." Lester supplied.


	3. Superman

_Righteo, joint effort between me and a Dear friend, we were hyped up on sugar at the time, and it jsut kept flowing. Here for your enjoyment, yet another installment of Security Review. Ta DAHHHHH!!_

**Chapter Three**

What do you get when you fill every Rangeman coffee cup with sugar and place them upside down on the desks? Chump duty, that's what. Lester and Bobby found this out the hard way, but, it wasn't their fault that there was nothing else going on.

By mid morning they had been sent to the garage to scour the grime from every surface, nook and cranny, but not before they made a joke about it being every crook and nanny. Half an hour later, already bored with their duty, Lester decided to take a quick 'toilet' break. Within fifteen minutes they had the portable TV and security tapes set up out of view of the garage surveillance cameras.

As both knelt on the ground continually scrubbing the same thirty centimetre square patch, their eyes were glued to the screen. Today, they had decided, their theme was Superman, and of course, who better to model that super man than the one and only Joseph Morelli. cough cough

It was interesting, the dynamics between Morelli and Ranger, it was unlike anything they had ever seen, well okay, maybe they had seen it before, but it was between fictional characters, to be specific one Nuclear Man in a confrontation with Superman, guess which was which.

Today's footage is brought to you by the letter 'L' for lobby. The scene unfolds as Morelli waits, rather impatiently, for Ranger to arrive in the only part of the Rangeman building Morelli was allowed into. When Ranger finally arrived, it was with an outburst fit for a super villain. "Where is the girl?" Lester cried, thankful for the fact that the security cameras did not pick up sound as well. Otherwise, they would be in big trouble... make that bigger trouble.

As Morelli spoke Bobby filled with his dialogue. "Give it up," he exclaimed, "You'll never find her!"

Ranger took three slow deliberate steps toward Morelli and when he spoke, was mere inches from his face. "If you don't tell me where she is, I will hurt people," he seethed.

As Ranger turned to leave, Morelli yelled, "Stop! Don't do it, the people!"

The two delinquents, now holding their scrubbing brushes still, fell about laughing. Quickly, they shifted spots, surreptitiously changing the tape at the same time. It was another tape from the lobby, several days later. They saw Steph entering the building with a bag of subs from Mario's. As she handed one to the front desk clerk Morelli entered the scene and spoke. "I've never seen garbage eat garbage before," Bobby supplied.

While he fast forwarded the tape, Lester glared at Bobby. "That was cold, man," he told him.

Bobby simply smiled and said, "Yes, but it's still a Superman quotes, maybe you should cut back a little, I can see some fat forming on those abs." Lester grumbled something under his breath as Bobby paused the tape. "Are you gonna get all teary now? Or can we continue?"

Still glaring at him, Lester replied, "Continue."

Again, Stephanie entered the building followed by Morelli, it seemed they were in a bit o a tiff. Morelli was practically shouting at her as she walked swiftly toward the elevator. "Really, Lois, supposing that man had shot you? Is it worth risking your life over ten dollars, two credit cards, a hairbrush and a lipstick?"

Steph stopped abruptly, turning to face him and Lester's voice rose an octave as he spoke, "How did you know that?"

Morelli looked confused when he replied. "Know what?" Bobby filled.

Steph popped her hip to the side and tilted her head a little. "You just described the exact contents of my purse," came Lester's high pitch voice.

Avoiding her eyes, Morelli seemed to mumble something. "Hmm. Wild guess," Bobby voiced.

Changing positions yet again, they went to change the tape when a very familiar voice spoke from behind them. "Amusing, but that's not what I ordered you to do."


	4. Spiderman

_I'm kinda on a roll with this one at the moment. I have the whole weekend planned out (yes I know it's currently weekdays) So there's this one a couple chapters to come in the next day or so. Tonight we have Spiderman, but still to come I feature Ghostbusters and others. Enjoy._

**Chapter 4: Spiderman**

Ranger was out of town. Crime was at all time low. Lester and Bobby were stuck with Bomber duty for the weekend. They had orders that Steph was not to leave the Rangeman building unless it was absolutely, vitally necessary. Now they had to find a way to entertain her for forty-eight hours until the big boss man returned to claim his prize. This could get tricky.

They were assembled in the seventh floor apartment, watching as Steph sprawled languidly across the leather couch and sigh out her utter boredom. Santos and Brown stood stock still in the doorway, unsure of what to do. She let out another sigh and suddenly sat up to stare directly into their eyes. "Come on!" she exclaimed. "It's Friday night! What do you do on a Friday night when you're not working?"

A quick glance at one another to assess what the other was thinking lead them to confess, "We do voiceovers on old security footage from the building."

Steph blinked a couple of times before saying, "Are you serious?"

"Deathly," Bobby told her. "We choose a movie, comic or cartoon and quote it over the film. It's hilarious."

"Why don't we do that then?" she asked eagerly.

"Are you sure?" Lester inquired. "You're usually targeted a lot."

"Of course I am." She rolled her eyes and the guys quickly got their stuff together, plugging the first tape into Ranger's VCR to play on his "ultra mega huge wide screen TV" as Steph like to call it.

"A theme!" Bobby exclaimed, holding his hands above his head for several moments.

"Spiderman!" Lester cried.

Steph looked bewilderedly between them. "Spiderman? Really?"

"Sure, why not?"

Steph shrugged and the boys took a moment to compose themselves and get their quotes in the fore front of their brains. The moment passed in complete silence before Bobby pressed play. The picture came up dark, almost as if there was nothing but blackness in the area being filmed. They looked at each other, doing their ESP thing and Bobby ejected the tape again to inspect it. He showed the label to Lester who drew his eyebrows together.

Eventually they got the tape working. It was the tape from the main elevator. Hal stepped in dragging some dead beat crim or another, being none too gentle with him. The crim spat on Hal's shoe and Hal just shrugged and mumbled something.

"You give off bad vibes, shocker!" Bobby filled.

They fast forward through their ride, then skipping over a bit of a brawl between Lester and Tank before they came to Ranger and Steph entering from what must have been the parking garage. Ranger's hands hardly left Steph's body, but she kept shrugging him off. When he gave her a questioning look she spoke. "Peter, I'm getting married." Bobby said.

Ranger gave a half smile and replied, Lester filling in his words. "I've always pictured you getting married on a hill top..."

"Who's the groom?" Bobby spoke again as Steph's lips moved on the screen.

"You haven't decided yet."

Steph glared at the men on the couch across from her. "Is that what you think?" she asked, anger flaring.

"Beautiful, we just quoting. Besides, it's not what we think, it's what Ric thinks. He's always going on about how you seem to be yo-yoing from pillar to post."

Shocked, she sat, mouth hanging wide open for long moments, until finally Lester changed the tape. The hallway outside Steph's apartment came up, shocking her even more. "You have access to my building's security?"

"Honey, we provide your building's security."

Diesel turned up on the doorstep and all eyes returned to the screen. Steph opened the door and leaned against the frame.

"Oh! I know this one! It wasn't long after that time that I quit bounty hunting!"

"Nice," Bobby muttered, just before a dialogue began. First came Diesel. "Hey it's me again."

Lester filled in an imitation girl voice as Steph replied on the screen. "Hey."

"How was your audition," Bobby voice overed for Diesel.

Steph narrowed her eyes. "How'd you know?" Lester squeaked out.

An easy grin crossed Diesel's face as he replied to the sound of Bobby's voice. "The hotline. Your mum, told my aunt, told me."

"_That line would have worked better if it was Morelli," _Steph grumbled.

"So you just came by?" Lester supplied for the Stephanie on the screen as she moved her mouth.

A shrug from Diesel as he once again contributed to the conversation. "I was in the neighbourhood, needed to see a friendly face. I took three buses and a cab to _get _in the neighbourhood, but... so how'd it go?"

"Oh," Lester began. "They said I needed acting lessons. A _soap opera_ told me I need acting lessons."

Diesel took a look at his watch before stating in Bobby's voice, "Lemme buy you a cheeseburger. The sky's the limit up to." A quick feel of his pockets for before making his wallet appear in his hands. He flicked through it. "up to seven dollars..." He tipped some coins into his palm and counted them. "And eighty four cents."

At that moment the phone rang. The three of them jumped at the sudden sound and Steph leaped up to snatch it from the wall. "Hello?" she greeted.

"Babe," came Ranger's voice. "Have they pulled out the tapes yet?"

Steph glanced over at the boys, changing tapes yet again. "As a matter of fact they have. When were you going to tell me that you've got my building wired for video?"

"When you needed to know," he stated evenly.

"Oh, so like, I don't need to know that when I steal across the hall to grab the paper in my underwear that people can see me?"

Three voices simultaneously exclaimed, "You leave your apartment in you _underwear?_"

_Reviews! Reviews! My kingdom for some reviews!... not really... I don't have a kingdom..._


	5. Ghostbusters

_Well, obviously, my plan didn't work for this particular story, but hey, I got to you eventually, right? And as a bonus, I'm updating again pretty much immediately. And if that wasn't enough, for all those following "Twice as Much as Half" there's another chapter coming soon there as well. _**Chapter 5: Ghostbusters**

* * *

Lester, Bobby and Steph were all sat silently around the table in Ranger's kitchen, staring at the mechanical penguin. It had been approximately seven beers each since their last tape. Once questions started cropping up about Steph's underwear, and what she habitually did in it, she felt the need for something a bit stronger than the bottle of water she had been sipping. Eventually, one thing led to another and they somehow ended up inviting Alberto, Hal's dancing penguin doll, to their party. Hal was not allowed to stay and supervise.

All of a sudden Bobby jumped from his chair grinning wildly. Steph looked up with a questioning expression and he simply said, "Ghostbusters." Before either she, or Lester could respond, he was out of the room with Lester hot on his heels. Steph skipped clumsily after them and found them in the living room, Les positioned on the pile of cushions that he had stolen from the couches in the lobby and Tank and Ranger's offices. Bobby was sliding a tape into the VCR. As Steph sprawled herself on the couch, Bobby sat at one end and put her feet in his lap, turning on the tape.

After a moment the first person entered the scene, it was Tank, followed swiftly by Ranger, and they looked to be deep in conversation.

"Egon, this reminds me of that time you tried to drill a hole in your head," Bobby stated as Tank spoke on the screen. "Remember that?"

Ranger made his reply and Stpeh, trying not to giggle too much, filled in his words. "That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me."

Lester's guffaws drowned out the quieter giggles and chuckles of Bobby and Steph but they doon died down as Bobby fast forwarded and paused the tape. "Let's see if you know this one," he said and received only a snort in reply. Tank and Ranger were still in the conference room, but were now joined by Steph. "There's something very important I forgot to tell you," Bobby voice-overed for Ranger.

A small gasp of delight escaped her as she caught on. Quite aptly, she ended up filling in her own speech on the screen. "What?" she questioned warily.

"Don't cross the streams," Bobby once again filled for Ranger.

"Why?" Steph asked as screen-Steph's eyes widened slightly.

"Ranger answered on the screen and Bobby continued the dialogue, "It would be bad."

Screen-Steph slowly shook her head as she spoke, "I'm fuzzy on the whole good-bad thing. What do you mean 'bad'?"

"Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light."

That's when Tank spoke up from the table. Lester jumped in with his line. "Total protonic reversal."

Steph swayed a little on the screen and put a hand to the side of her head. "Right. That's bad. Okay. All right," the Steph in the apartment voice-overed. "Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon."

They let the tape play for a bit while Lester commented on the completely believable dialogue and how there have actually been conversations like that. The three figures on the screen were sitting at the conference table, going through a file. Tank commented as Steph pulled a wrapped sweet snack from her jacket pocket. Ranger began to reply, at the same time taking the bar from Steph and placing it on the table. "Well, let's say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. Based on this morning's reading, it would be a Twinkie thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds," Lester filled as Steph gave Ranger a filthy look for stealing her snack.

Tank's lips moved again and Bobby spoke for him. "That's a big Twinkie."

There was a snort of disgust from here-and-now Steph on the couch, causing both the men to look over at her, even though Bobby was once again fast forwarding. "I never got that Twinkie back," she complained, crossing her arms over her chest. The guys just laughed and turned their attention back to the screen.

"Hey, look!" Lester exclaimed as Bobby pressed play. "It's us!" On the screen, Lester and bobby had just entered and were leaning over the table examining the notes Tank had taken. Screen-Bobby opened his mouth and before couch-Bobby could provide the quote Lester cut in. "Hows the grid holding up?"

Ranger's short statement was filled, reluctantly, by Bobby. "Not good."

"Tell him about the Twinkie," Steph filled for herself as she moved her lips on screen.

When Ranger turned to look at her and spoke Bobby once again provided his words. "What about the Twinkie?"

They laughed again, but Steph cut hers off with a mournful sigh. "I really want a Twinkie," she told her babysitters.

"No problem, Beautiful," Lester said, whipping something out of his pocket. "I'm telling Hal to go get us some as we speak."

* * *

_Thanks for reading. Don't forget to review and suggest any movies of comics or whatever that you want to see in future issues._


	6. Drop Dead Fred

_See? I told you I was updating again! Isn't this exciting? Not only that, this is like my all time favourite movie ever!! I watched it practically every day when I was five, sometimes twice a day, and it still makes me laugh. If you haven't seen it, you should totally go and hire it out! Right now! I'll wait... done that? Okay good, let's get on with it._

**Chapter 6: Drop Dead Fred**

The Next morning Steph awoke to a shout of, "Oh! My! God!" coming from the living room. She tried to ignore it as best she could by rolling over and burrowing deeper into the quilt, but a second, louder shout followed. "Bobby! Bomber! You guys have fot to see this!" When neither of the two answered or made a move to go and see what had him so excited he stomped into the bedroom where they both were, shoved Bobby from the bed (on top of the covers) to the floor and then proceeded to grab Steph around the waist and haul her caveman style, back to the living room, depositing her in the armchair. A moment later Bobby was sprawled on the couch by the same means and Lester was back to his pile of cushions.

After an entire minute of utter silence, during which Lester grinned wildly, Bobby asked the all important question. "What?" As if in reply he held up a small, wooden box. "Congratulations. You found a box. Can I go back to sleep now?" Lester took the lid off the box and Bobby sat up a little, his interest clearly kicking into gear. "More tapes?"

"Man, you'll never guess where I found them!" he exclaimed. "Wake up Steph again, she's gonna wanna see this, trust me." Once they were cetain she was awake (judged by the amount of grumbling) Lester went on. "I was snooping in Ranger's office when I found these. It's all security footage from this very apartment!"

"Ranger monitors his own apartment?" Bobby asked. Steph was digging through the Twinkie wrappers on the coffee table, trying to find one they had missed the night before.

"Well, no, I think he's got someone else to monitor them, but he keeps the tapes here." There was a short pause while Bobby and Lester both ran through a list of movies in their heads. Finally they both said in unison, "Drop Dead Fred."

Steph stared at them blankly. "Never seen it."

"Then just sit back and enjoy, sweetheart," Lester told her, flicking on the first tape. "There's a perfect scene not too far along in this one for some poultry fun," he informed Bobby as the screen revealed the very living room they were sitting in (albeit it was a lot neater). Tank was sitting on the couch, staring as Ranger pace in front of him. After a moment he spoke. "Married," Lester filled, "You got married. You mean you've been doing it like the pigeons?"

The guys laughed while STeph stared at the engagement ring on her left hand. "Don't worry, Bomber," Bobby assured her, "Tank won't be that incredulous when it happens. He loves you."

"Morelli might be," Lester added, pausing the tape at what the other two assumed to be a prime moment. Tank was gone, but Steph was just entering the scene. Ranger crossed the space between them in three steps and pulled her in for a kiss. Lester paused it again to giggle and tell Bobby, "We might get to see a bit of a show."

Ranger pulled back from the kiss to look her over and began talking. "Hello, Snotface. Yuck, what happened to you? You're all older. You're even uglier! Look, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to be sick all over you, immediately. Lie down." Ranger pushed Steph down onto the couch and covered her body with his.

They continued watching for a few minutes as Ranger made short work of screen-Steph's shirt and bra, covering every inch of the revealed skin with soft kisses. Screen-Steph was arcing her back into the caresses and after a moment Ranger was back to her mouth. Their movements became more of a bump and grind routine and here-and-now-Steph began to protest. Before she could get all the necessary words out, however, Tank entered the screen again. The couple on the screen barely slowed in what they were doing when Tank spoke, staring straight at them.

"That's not how the pigeons do it," Bobby filled for him. "You're supposed to stamp on her head and peck her."

The guys laughed again and Steph joined in with a bit of a giggle. Bobby rummaged through tapes in the box and pulled one out that said "kitchen." He swapped them over and began fast forwarding until he found a usable segment.

Steph and Ranger were sitting at the breakfast nook eating what one could assume was not breakfast, given the amount of vegetables, and looking over a file between them. Steph spoke and her words came from Bobby's mouth. "Well why don't we harpoon Charles straight through the head, drag him back to the apartment, and hit him with a hammer until he agrees to come back?

Ranger glanced at her and replied through Lester, "Harpoon him through the head? That won't work, Fred."

"Why not?" Bobby asked for Steph again. "It might. How many times have you tried it?"

Again, laughter filled the room as they continued to watch the silent scene. Eventually, Ranger forked a vegetable and stuck it his mouth. Steph looked at him horrified and began to speak. Before either of the guys could fill in, an all too familiar voice cut in, supplying the words they had been about to say. "You picked up a piece of broccoli, put it in your mouth and said, 'Oh what a lovely piece of broccoli.' I can't believe it, it's beyond disgusting!"

While here-and-now-Steph and Tank laughed at the dialogue and the schocked expressions on the faces of Bobby and Lester, Ranger swooped in and grabbed Steph into his arms. This elicited a squeal of both shock and delight from Steph, but it was lost to his mouth.

"Have a good time, Babe?" he asked a moment later.

"I suppose. I did see one scene that had me missing you more than ever though."

Ranger saw the twinkle in her eye and was immediately hard. "All three of you, out!" he barked, never glancing from Steph's gaze. "I'll deal with you later."

* * *

_Thanks for reading. Don't forget to review and suggest any movies of comics or whatever that you want to see in future issues._


	7. XMen no1

_So this is what happens when I can't make headway on my serious fanfics, you get another edition of a series of shorts I have on the go. Today's update is brought to you by the letter X for X-men._

**Chapter 7: X-men #1**

"Where did the tapes go?" Bobby yelled from his position with his head in the closet. "Lester, I can't see the box. Where'd you put it?"

Lester, in the kitchen section of his apartment where he was making popcorn, yelled back, "In my footlocker, the bossman was snooping around the closet last week so I had to move them."

Five minutes later they were seated on the couch in the readying for the viewing of their favourite set of tapes, New Employee Interview Day. Steph was supposed to be joining them, but they were impatient, as ever, to begin the fun, so they began arguing over the theme of the night.

"X-men," Lester suggested.

"We've done X-men to death," his counterpart replied.

"Are you kidding? That was exclusively the most recent X-men _movie._ This is free range of any medium; comic books, animated series, movies, whatever."

A sigh escaped him, but he finally conceded and they began. The television came to life with the initial scene of their Employee Interview Day compilation tape: the little used seminar room filled with the mottled crew that wished they were part of the awesomeness that was Rangeman.

The A-team plus Ranger were standing at parade rest in front of the assembled wannabes in the seminar room. Ranger was talking, most probably doing the standard introduction speech he'd been using since his second year. He gestured to each of the assembled men in turn stating their name and rank before the door opened and he gestured to Steph as she assumed the same position as the men.

"This, children," Lester voiced as Ranger continued to speak and gesture to Steph on the screen, "Is Kitty Pryde, who apparently feels the need to make a grand entrance."

Steph made a comment and Bobby filled in the missing dialogue. "I'm sorry, I was busy remembering to put on all my clothes." Bobby and Lester hi-fived at the good call and waited a short while as the tape played out.

One of the candidates raised their hand and asked a question in the middle of Ranger's speech and Bobby paused the tape, turning to his partner. "I really hated that guy. Such big words, is it too much to ask for people to use the word angry when they mean angry?"

"Probably in that guy's case," Steph panted as she plonked down between them having burst through the door just moments before. "Sorry I'm late guys; got held up by a stupid search."

"Don't sweat it. We made a crack about you in your absence, so all is well in the world. Now, back to the tape." Bobby unpaused the tape and Lester immediately jumped in when Ranger retaliated to the question. "Beast, the problem with you is that you are incapable of having a conversation with someone that doesn't use thirteen syllable words."

The guys laughed while Steph stared blankly trying to catch up. Eventually she turned a confused eye on Lester and demanded, "Theme."

"X-men."

A furrow creased her brow. "Did we already do that one?"

"No, that was the most recent movie, this is free range."

"Righto."

The tape skipped to a different view of the same room and the three couch potatoes observed a single male rise from his seat and start toward the door. He was a scrawny bloke, with wiry hair and thick glasses and he looked like he wanted to be invisible, a sure fire way to make sure the Merry Men took notice of you. Tank, who had the floor at the time, barked something at him and the geek guy turned and replied defiantly.

"Ther is no way I'm getting involved with a group," Lester filled, "That has the blob," geek guy gestured to Steph, "and those guys as members."

As Bobby laughed Steph crossed her arms over her chest. "I thought you said you already made a crack about me," she grumbled.

"Sorry, Beautiful, but he's the one that gestured not us."

With their attention back on the screen they were treated with a view of the individual interview room. Excited, Lester began jiggling on his cushion and slapping Steph's knee.

Ranger sat across from an incredibly muscled and tanned male who was evidently protesting shirts, as his chest was completely bare. He had crossed his arms over his chest as Ranger asked questions and seemed to be refusing to give up sufficient information, if Ranger's almost expression of frustration was anything to go by. Finally, he leaned across the table that bridged the gap between him and Shirtless. As he seethed something directly into Shirtless's face Steph spoke. "Talk to me, or I will do terrible things to you." A moment passed as the two men simply stared at eachother. "On purpose."

Hi-fives all round met that statement as they all knew it was definitely with in his character to do something like that. After Shirtless's clearly defiant retaliation Ranger abruptly stood and folded his arms over his bulky chest. "I'm the best at what I do kid," Steph continued to provide, "And what I do ain't nice."

The screen flickered and another interview room appeared, this time containing Steph and a stunning blonde with a considerable bust. Her attire said Malibu Barbie, which, in case you haven't guessed, is nowhere near Badass-Ass-Kicking-Skills chic. "I was just trying to understand you," Bobby voice overed in his best confused blonde voice.

"A beautiful girl like you would never understand," Lester replied, filling as Screen-Steph made a bored face and spoke.

Screen-Steph continued to ask a question and a thoughtful expression covered Blondie's face for a considerable amount of time. A prompt from Screen-Steph brought on a frown. "I'm trying to think," Bobby once again filled.

A sigh escaped the brunette and Lester provided the muttered words, "Don't hurt yourself."

Steph's phone sang out the Batman theme interrupting their viewing pleasure. The conversation was short, even by Ranger's standards. Before she even greeted him he told her to open the door and hung up. A short dash to the apartment door and she was pulled into an incredibly dirty, smelly hug. Ranger was home from a mission. _Freshly _home. After a moment they broke apart and Steph looked him up and down licking her lips. Ranger laughed.

Back in the living area, turned around on the couch so that they could watch the reunion, Lester and Bobby filled in the whispered words they could not hear with yet another quote from X-men.

"I'm sorry," Bobby began, "My mind must have been elsewhere."

"The gutter perhaps?" Lester replied as Ranger spoke.

Suddenly, Steph spun around, hands on hips. "You may not be able to hear us, but we can hear you," she told the boys. "We're gonna have to cut this session short, but we'll make up for it later, yeah?" Before waiting for a reply she was out the door and on her way up to the seventh floor apartment with the man she loved.

* * *

_The beauty of this instalment is that there is at least one more part to it. Isn't that great? That means that if all goes well there is another update coming soon. Oh, and you wanna hear irony? I was halfway through writing this when I heard that X-men 2 is on TV tonight. Coinsidence?... Probably..._

_And I digress. So please review and remember that I'm always looking for new themes, so let me know what you wanna see in the future._


	8. XMen no2

_Ta da!!! Immediately follows the end of the last instalment. Enjoy._

**Chapter 8: X-Men (Still)**

Lester turned to Bobby, a question in his eyes. Bobby shook his head and turned back to the television. "We don't have to stop just because Steph's gone."

"Good," Lester replied, "because I have a heap of great X-Men quotes that I intend on using tonight. Put the gym tape in."

Once the tape was in they sat for a few moments watching the sparring session between two of the guys. They were circling around each other menacingly; crouched low, fists at the ready. The shorter of the two, Zed, spoke, seeming to hiss the words out. "I am the rocks of the eternal!" Lester shouted. "Crash against me and be broken!" Zed then rushed the other guy and pinned him beneath his short, though incredibly muscled, form.

The other guy, who's head was just visible by Zed's shoulder, muttered something which Bobby graciously filled. "Threats. Consider me duly intimidated."

They laughed. Both at the spectacle that was the sparring session and the dialogue they added. Sparring was fun to watch no matter what. This just made it better.

"Isn't this the tape with Steph's hand-to-hand lessons?" Bobby asked, fast-forwarding through the rest of the session. "That has to have some good footage on it."

"Oh! Yes! Stop here! Stop here!" Lester exclaimed, bouncing up and down on the couch, rather than answer his friend. "This is from when Hal and Cal got in that big tiff and they ended up in a free for all! We _have _to watch this!!"

Bobby sighed and rewound it to the beginning of the fight. Hal and Cal were practically thrown into the room by Ranger who then proceeded to glare at them as when they landed on their respective arses and stared up at him. He barked out an order that, to the trained lip reader, was something along the lines of "Work it out. Now." They lunged for each other but stopped millimetres away when they realised Ranger was still glaring at them. He shook his head and muttered, Lester filled his words, "Here I am, Cyclops, so called leader of the X-Men, and how do I use my optic blasts? As a snooze alarm." That said, he swiftly turned and left the men to it.

The moment Ranger was out of sight Hal was all over Cal like a rash. Cal brutally pushed him back and got to his feet quickly. A few similar encounters followed until Cal managed to seize Hal in a sleeper hold. "I've been an X-man since I was fourteen," he seethed through Bobby's lips. "It's like wearing a big sign saying, 'Please try to kill me, I like it." He made a jerking movement and kicked Hal where it was sure to hurt.

A flash of limbs and, had it been a cartoon, a cloud of smoke and their positions were reversed. Cal choked something out that Bobby once again voiced. "What makes you such a bitch, Emma?"

A short struggle, cut off by Hal once again gaining control of the situation. "Breeding, darling," Lester filled as he hissed something in Cal's ear. "Top class breeding." Lester turned to Bobby as the tape played on. "Nice call."

"Thanks."

Men were now joining the fray. Originally to pull the two battling gorillas off each other, but a misplaced punch and they were in for a pound. There were ten guys, all with fists flying, by the time Steph and Lester appeared at the edge of the screen in the doorway.

Screen-Lester surveyed the scene with a critical eye and spoke to Steph. "By my count there are only a few thousand of them," Bobby voice-overed. "Cover me, I'm going in."

Steph's eyes widened a bit and she replied, "Okay."

"I was just joking," Bobby filled as Screen-Lester spoke again.

She gulped and Lester filled her next comment. "So was I."

They fight continued as they watched for minutes. When it didn't seem to be coming to any kind of end Steph shouted something and all the men stopped dead as if frozen. Throats were still in hands. Fists were inches from guts and faces. Men were balanced on one leg in the preparation of kicking their opponent. Hal, who was now beating shit out of Dayle, made a comment which was promptly provided by Couch-Lester. "I didn't know she knew words like that."

On the other side of the group, Cal, who was pinned to the ground by Hawk, replied using Bobby's mouth as a vessel. "It was probably your influence." And without any warning, they were once again at each other's throats. The rest of the assembled men looked at each other confusedly and joined ranks to pull the two to opposite sides of the room. Tank appeared behind Lester and Steph, gave out a few orders and the room cleared quicker than if he had announced a seventy percent off sale in Macy's shoe department to a room of teenage girls. He nodded to Lester and Steph before leaving himself.

Bobby and Lester watched in amusement as Screen- Lester and Steph proceeded to start up a sparring session. It didn't take much for Lester to bring Steph to the ground. He had her pinned with one foot, no worries, when she spoke. "Peter, my friend," Bobby filled.

"Da?" Lester spoke for himself.

"Your foot," Bobby/Steph continued.

"Da?"

"Please remove it from my spleen."

The two grown men on the couch almost fell off as they were convulsed with laughter. They only barely heard the loud thudding on the wall that was followed by a disgruntled "Pipe down in there! Some of us are trying to sleep!" This only caused them to laugh hard and louder until the door burst open. Tank stood there, his angry face in place. "I can hear you all the way down the hall," he seethed. "Cut it the hell out. Brown, go to your own apartment and if I hear a peep out of either of you before morning, unless there's an emergency, I'll meet you both on the mat at nine.

_You know what to do. It's not hard. Just hit the button._


End file.
